As a miniature painter, every once in a while, it's fun to gird your loins, drop your standards, and get ready for some CRANKHEAD SPEED PAINTING. Enter the arena of complete shamelessness. If you find your resolve weakening, huff some fumes from your can of Army Painter Strong Tone and turn up the Motorhead. Lemmy doesn't care if your miniatures looks like shit. Just. Pump. Them. Out.
My excuse for speed painting was Fantasy Flight Game's 2nd edition of Mansions of Madness and its expansions. They comprise three large box teeming with cheap, plastic miniatures of Lovecraftian monsters: Shoggoths, Nightgaunts, Byakhees, Deep Ones... even the Dunwich Horror makes an appearance. But given all the other projects I want to get done, I gave myself only 2 weekends to paint about 50 miniatures, including some very large and tentacular monsters. No Sleep Til Hammersmith, indeed!
My technique is tried and true. Slap on a basecoat. Do some quick dry-brushing. Saturate the miniature in a glaze of Army Painter Strong Tone, Citadel washes, or a solution of human spittle and peanut butter. Add a detail or two, like the eyes on the Shoggoth or the mouths on the Dunwich Horror. And then, move on and repeat until you run out of Benzedrine.
|Deep One Hybrids|
The results vary from dingy to morbidly poor. But that is besides the point. The point is the sheer joy of production: to paint miniatures like a horse shits or R.A. Salvatore writes novels.
And so, without further ado...
|Child of Dagon|
|Zombies (polite looking zombies, no?)|
|Dark Young of Shub-Niggurath|
|Star Spawn of Cthulhu|
|The Dunwich Horror|
And finally, the worst miniature I've ever painted...
|Priest of Dagon|
* * *
WARNING: People who visit Oldenhammer in Toronto are too nice. Complimentary or even polite comments on these miniatures risk summary deletion. In order to make this easy on you, reader, I have pre-written some appropriate remarks that you can cut-and-paste into your own comment:
Did you paint those miniatures or surgically remove them from the stomach of a sea turtle?
Your miniatures are bland, and your prose is over-written. There's a typo in the first paragraph. Worst of all, your celebration of "edgy" drug culture is both vulgar and laughably disingenuous, given the implacable bourgeois odor of your blog, your hobbies and indeed your life. Well, try, try again. Signed, Mom.